Bigfoot Caught on Camera???
PLUS: Some new saucer-shaped saucers, baby!!!
Hello, UFO lovers and cryptid hunters!
Casey O’Malley here with some wild new shots captured right here on planet Earth! These things look crazy, but are they for real or just flashy hoaxes? I’ll let you be the judge, but spoiler alert! Casey O’Malley’s votes are in, and he says: TRUE! TRUE! TRUE! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, ARE YOU SEEING THIS???
NEWS FLASH! Bigfoot caught on a trail cam in North Carolina!
Or maybe Dogman? It’s hard to tell because whatever it is appears to have no head which would have been useful information for a quick determination. However, we can’t say for sure that he has no head. It could be he’s just bent at a weird angle away from the camera, maybe pulling a tick out of his fur or admiring a patch of mushrooms. Or, better yet, maybe his portal to another dimension opened too small, and he could only fit his head in there. There are all sorts of explanations! But what we do know is that thing is real, furry, and standing upright just the way we like ‘em! 10 out of 10! I think we can all agree: Bigfoot (or Dogman) is real!
BREAKING! Flying saucer spotted over Miami!
Last time on the Latest Strangeness, I made my opinions known that I was getting sick and tired of all these dumb jellyfish shaped, blob UFO’s that seem to be flying around. I mean, come on! I didn’t get into the UFO game for that sort of garbage! Give me more slick, chrome covered saucers and cigar shaped rockets! The good stuff!
Well, it turns out ol’ Casey is what the kids these days would call an “influencer” because guess what? Casey spoke and the aliens listened!
Check out that beauty! Clearly saucer shaped or diamond shaped—I’m fine either way—and defying the laws of gravity like only the ET pros can do! We are back in business, folks! U.F.O.s are swell again!
Just look! Here’s another one in Brazil! Obviously saucer shaped just doing its thing:
I gotta admit, I’m touched… They really listened. I… Sorry, got some dust in the ol’ left eye there… AHEM!
It’s just good to know all this work I do counts for something, you know? Thank you, aliens. You really made this old salesman’s day. I hope you get some good cow eyeballs/genitalia or something you like today.
Oh, and to my beloved wife, Judy:
SUCK IT, JUDY! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE LISTENING!
Counterpoint Op-ed:
Have you seen my head?
By Anonymous
Heeeeeey, so this is a little embarrassing, but I’m an interdimensional creature just visiting one of your forests, and I seem to have lost my head. Not figuratively. Literally. Like it’s just gone.
And I know what you’re saying: “Wait, if you’re missing your head, how are you writing this op-ed and submitting it to the Latest Strangeness in time for deadline?”
All great questions.
Well, I mentioned that I’m an interdimensional being, right? Things work a little differently where I’m from. It’s beyond your ability to comprehend as a third dimensional being, so I’m not going to get into all the technicalities. Just trust me, since I’m writing this now, I know my head is still out there somewhere, I just can’t see it. Or it can’t see me. Which leads me to believe it popped off in a portal splice by accident which… is really unprofessional, I know.
Sure, it happens to all of us at some point. You’re in the woods growling or hiding in shadows when some human sees you which is a BIG no-no in our world. So you open the portal to duck out, only it doesn’t quite open all the way and then BAM! Your arm’s in another dimension without you.
It’s not exactly convenient, but it’s pretty easily fixed once you’re back in the Shadow Dimension. But usually you still have a head at least. This is WAY different. Like, normally the missing part will just slip back through to this dimension to be with the rest of its body. Then you pick it up and go home.
Well, I can see from my eyes that I’m back in this dimension’s woods somewhere, but my body is nowhere to be seen. It has managed to feel its way to a house somewhere to reach out for help. The owner took off running when it knocked on the door because, let’s be honest, that’s just what humans do when they see a giant hairy cryptid—head or no head! So as long as he’s gone, I just figured I’d borrow his laptop for a few, and weirdly enough, this newsletter was the first thing that popped up.
So if anyone gets this and spots a hairy head on the forest floor just blinking and looking around, just set it up on a post or something if you wouldn’t mind. That way it’s easier for me to see the rest of me coming and also easier for my eyeless, bipedal body to feel around for it.
Thank you so much for your help in all this, humans. If you do happen to see my body in the woods wandering around, though, do yourself a favor and just run the other way. It will be better for all of us.
NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: To the actual owner of this computer who ran off, thank you for supporting Next Stop Unknown! We can’t wait to hear more about your encounter with the headless hairy cryptid!
Casey O’Malley is a self-proclaimed expert on paranormal activity, high strangeness, and unidentified flying objects. He is best known for his Instagram account, @flyingsaucersareswell, which he claims was shadow-banned by a secret government agency because he “knew too much.” However, we checked and found the account is still active if you’d like to see what he knew so much about. Casey enjoys pipes, Manhattans, and science fiction movies featuring giant insects.
Anonymous did not provide a bio for this op-ed, but based on what we know, he/she/they are a bipedal cryptid of either the Bigfoot or Dogman variety visiting from another dimension. As of press time, anonymous is still missing a head.